A few weeks back I was having no luck in my normal fishing holes and looking for one more arrest before I went in for the night. I decided to cruise through a group of hotel parking lots looking for vehicle burglars. As I turned the street headed down that way I saw a lone vehicle heading towards me. The driver had the big “surprised” eyes as he did his best invisibility act. You know the “if I don’t make eye contact they won’t see me” look. So I did a U turn and pulled in behind him and ran is plate. The registered owner of the car had a suspended license and the driver matched the physical characteristics of the registered owner. I was getting ready to pull him over and he turned into a strip mall full of closed businesses, and jumps out of the car and starts walking away. So I yell to him to come talk to me. He is a fully thugged out looking Hispanic male. He starts walking towards me abruptly rips of his jacket and throws it to the ground and says “take me to jail mother effer”. I key my mic and say “4C18, start me one”. (Which the dispatcher understood as a request for a backup officer, I had previously checked off on the air letting her know I was going to be out with a subject and where I was) I unsnap my taser holster and let him know that he would be well advised to cease his forward progression towards me, as I am putting on my gloves. I ask him if he has done anything to deserve going to jail. He says “come on, mother effer, what? Are you going to take me to jail or what?” This whole time he has been gesturing with his arms like he is calling me out to fight. I got very close to letting him ride the lighting, but he decides to listen to my gentle warning.
I am trying to get his name and DOB. Now keep in mind he is tatted up and looks like a stereotypical gang banger. As I am talking to him a super pimped out caddy pulls slowly into the parking lot and moves slowly towards us. At 1:00 AM in a completely empty lot I am thinking that this guys buddies were coming to cause problems. I moved my hand down to my gun and broke retention and was ready to skin it if needed. I had been using my verbal judo on the suspect and he was starting to calm a bit until the car pulled up. The window rolled down and some preppy looking white dude asks me if I can help him catch a dog running around the street. Now, Banger dude that I am contacting tees off on him. “What in the F- is a white mother effer doing in this hood at this time of night, why are you busting him for being down here buying dope”. By now banger dude is super agitated and I am stunned that they guy in the caddy is rolling up and asking me if I can help him catch a dog. I am seriously looking around to see if this is some sort of trap or if I’m on Punk’d or something. I tell preppy guy, “Uhh, I’m kind of in the middle of something here”. He huffed off and left.
Banger dude is all bent out of shape and I am trying to calm him back down, about this time my friend comes skidding up the street nearly missing the driveway to the strip mall I am in. Up to this point I was certain I this guy was going to get a physical fight with him, so when you back up gets there before that happens it’s a pleasant sensation of relief. It’s not so much that you are relieved, because you still have to be aware and keep your head in the game, but it just feels good. I contact dispatch and run him for warrants, and big surprise. He has a warrant. So I give my back up a look and crossed my wrists and said “confirmed” this lets her know that the subject has a confirmed warrant and I intend to arrest the subject. So we both approach and grab his hands at the same time. He gets all bummed out as I cuff him up. He is screaming that it’s not his fault he was driving, he tells me he’s having girl troubles and asks if I can hear him out and sees if I can work something out. I tell him, go ahead, but you’re still going to see the judge in the morning.
He tells me he found some text messages on his girl’s phone and he lost his head and had to go for drive to cool off. He tells me his girl broke his heart, and he’s never going to recover from that. Now he is in genuine despair and my back up officer who is female tells him he is going to be okay, don’t worry, she says “chicks are scandalous”. He tells her,” you’re a chick, you can’t say that. Unless you’re a lesbian you can’t know what it’s like to get your heart ripped out and stomped on the ground by a woman”. I tell him, look, we have all been hurt by someone and you will be okay. He tells me “you should go arrest her, she killed love, what she did to me was criminal”.
Now I had just seen the movie “Dan in Real Life”, and there is a part when one of his teen age daughters accuses her father of being a “murderer of love” for not letting her date a boy. (If you haven’t seen it, you should) So ask this guy, “So, your girl killed your love?” “Yeah, man, I’m hurting real bad”. “So would you say she is a murderer of love?” “F-yeah, she is”. I tell him, well, I feel your pain, but currently there are no laws on the books that allow me to arrest her for murdering your love, but if there was, I would hunt her down like the criminal she is and take her to jail”. By now my back up officer is just about falling over trying not to laugh. She has to walk around to the back of my car out of sight. They guy responds, “Thanks, man, I appreciate that, I’m ready to go to jail now.”
So that was it, I took him to jail. I know what you’re thinking. How can I take the victim of a love homicide to jail? It’s really easy; you cuff them up and search them, then drive them to the jail.